Tuesday, March 31, 2015

WrestleMania! But Not This One, LOL! (Andre/Hogan OWNS!)

WWF WrestleMania VII

(1991/3/24)

Career Ending Match: “Macho King” Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

Minus two glaring in-ring flaws (the five elbow drops and the finish), this was pretty much a perfect piece of successful storytelling. The whole Savage/Sherri/Elizabeth saga was glorious, and the post-match with Randy and Miss getting back together was so neat. Those tears from the audience told the entire story, and damn it, I loved the whole thing. No matter how cold I might be. Both guys played their characters and sold the angle down to a T. Drama, suspense, bigger-than-life feeling, this classic match had it all.

****3/4


WWF WrestleMania VIII

(1992/4/5)

WWF Championship: “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair ©

This shit gets better and better on every damn rewatch. Right now this is probably the best WM match ever, such a sumptuous epic filled with amazing and sky high dramatic wrestling. The brawling parts were excellent and beautifully dynamic, Flair controlling the opening phase was some superb pacing, Macho Man’s comebacks were fabulous and had the crowd going BONKERS for him, and so on and on… Then there’s Mr. Perfect, the biggest scumbag ever, with his constant interferences that only fired up the atmosphere each and every time. Flair bleeding was another story. Fucking hell, what a tremendous masterpiece, the finishing run was crazy exciting and then the finish itself with Savage rolling-up the Naitch for big victory while Miss Elizabeth was supporting him ringside was pretty much the icing on the cake after everything that happened, this match is the peak of WWF style of pro-wrestling storytelling.

*****


WWF WrestleMania VIII

(1992/4/5)

WWF Intercontinental Championship: Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper ©

Yep, five stars, aaaall the way, baby. Perfection, this match is pure and crystal clear perfection, the story they told was incredibly captivating. Simple and effective, Roddy can’t hang with Bret in hold-for-hold department so he starts to brawl and gains a significant advantage, especially after busting Bret wide open. Excellent wrestling back-and-forth, the ref bump was well done and then the two moments that made this whole thing – Piper not hitting the Hitman with the bell, going for a clean win instead; Piper congratulating and hugging Bret after the match was over. One of the most underrated stories ever told, matches like this one remind you what pro-wrestling should be all about.

*****


WWF WrestleMania V

(1989/4/2)

WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage ©

Man, if only Hogan made a more creative final comeback, this would’ve been a top notch masterpiece. But unfortunately, after Macho Man’s fantastic workover and preparation, and after his beautifully executed flying elbow, all the Hulkster did was hulking-up and doing his punches/big boot/legdrop combo for the win. Bang, that’s it! Sheeeeit, it felt kind of cheap and all… Sure, the finish makes sense considering WWF’s cartoonish nature and that’s what Hogan’s character was/is all about, but c’mon man, put some color in there, this is WrestleMania after all. But hey, ****3/4 is still sure as hell pretty damn high, amirite? Excellent title match with superb storytelling that also involved Miss Elizabeth, all the ingredients from the feud were incorporated into the match very well, not to mention Savage’s phenomenal performance and grand mental games. Hogan was great himself, but Randy was the clear MAN of the match.

****3/4


WWE WrestleMania 22

(2006/4/2)

HARDCORE MATCH: Edge vs. Mick Foley

The ultimate Edge match, also one of the best Foley matches ever. Edge is the most overrated WWE guy of the decade, but sometimes he could pull it off big time in these hardcore slugfests. They just clicked perfectly in this match, they took a helluva beating and some sick bumps, they bled heavily, yes, this was a true hardcore match and it’s totally awesome it happened in front of a gigantic live crowd. Foley’s biggest Mania moment for sure, and I like to think the same about Edge, because I don’t really remember him having anything that would come close to touching this one. TLCs? Ladders? Nah… Taker? Damn fine match, but nah… Alberto? Jericho? Nah… This is THE shit for both dudes.

****3/4


WWF WrestleMania III

(1987/3/29)

WWF Intercontinental Championship: Ricky Steamboat vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage ©

You know it, one of the most famous Mania matches ever, and rightfully so, because the match was beautifully paced with all the twists and turns, the flow was natural, organic, felt so smooth. All the reversals and counter-attacks hold up tremendously, the match was truly nifty. Not to mention the amazing big ass crowd, sheeeeit!

****3/4


WWF WrestleMania III

(1987/3/29)

WWF Championship: Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan ©

Now, this is THE most underrated and underappreciated match of all time. And not just in WWF/E, mind you. Well, probably not with the casual audience, but rather with the Meltzer-influenced smarks and internet know-it-all thugs who mark out for cruiserweight jumpfests and reversal-heavy sprints. xD Those of us who realize pro-wrestling is all about storytelling, we enjoy this match tremendously, and I honestly think this is the Top 3 Mania match ever, with the other two being Savage/Flair and Bret/Owen.

This is arguably the greatest story ever told inside the North American squared circle, immovable object vs. irresistible force, the “525 pounds, 6 foot 5, 15 years undefeated, never being slammed” Andre against the reigning and defending Champion, the all-American superhero. And really, it translated into the match perfectly, this is basically a three act play: 1) Hogan tries to bodyslam Andre right away but fails, injures his back, Andre works over it, Hogan sells for him like a motherfucker, makes him look like a fucking BEAST; 2) Hogan makes a brief comeback before eating the big boot, Andre applies the bearhug (I love bearhugs and wrestlers who use them!) and there’s an incredible struggle in the middle of the ring, the crowd is BEGGING for a Hulk comeback, Hogan’s selling is all time great at this moment; 3) Hogan, carried by the electrifying gigantic crowd, makes a proper comeback, and after the brief back-and-forth sequence he clotheslines Andre to finally bring him down, which draws MASSIVE cheers, then he BODYSLAMS Andre (been done dozens of times before, yeah, I know it lol) in the most iconic Mania moment ever, leg drop, 1-2-3 and it’s over, the Hulkster retains the strap. It’s as simple as it gets, and that’s the beauty of it, that’s the beauty of Andre’s matches with right opponents who know how to sell for him, who know how to work within his obvious physical limitations. Wrestling has always been the game of mind anyway, not the game of athleticism. Athleticism is nice, but it’s just a bonus to your brain.

I love this masterpiece and I will defend its honor until my last breath.

*****


WWE WrestleMania 21

(2005/4/3)

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

The story of two halfs, the first one with HBK insisting on side headlocks and owning Kurt in his own game was amazing, Kurt sold the growing frustration very well, the whole thing was organic, coherent and direct. The second half, however, turned into a fake epic that was all over the place, and it was inevitable considering this is Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels after all, lol. All in all, though, the match is great, but not even close to being GOATworthy or anything like that.

****

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